ROBOT CHICKEN: Odd Couple, Enemy Mine
by TheInhibitor
Summary: Can two adult men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?


ROBOT CHICKEN: ODD COUPLE ENEMY MINE

EXT. SPACE, NEAR THE ORBIT OF FYRINE IV

A battle between dozens of spaceships of varying sizes rages over a planet (Fyrine IV).

Two spaceships shoot each other and hurtle separately toward the surface of the planet below.

.

**NARRATOR**

_(overdubbed)_

In the distant future, Humans and Dracs are locked in a desperate interstellar war for survival. In the heat of battle, two combatants, one Human — Willis Davidge — and one Drac — Jeriba Shigan — crashland on Fyrine IV.

.

Cut to EXT. SURFACE OF FYRINE IV

We see the planet surface, which is rocky and windswept. There are many volcanoes.

One of the spaceships crashes, and a human — WILLIS "WILL" DAVIDGE — exits it. In the distance, the other spaceship crashes, and a reptilian humanoid figure — JERIBA "JERRY" SHIGAN — is seen emerging from it.

.

**NARRATOR**

_(overdubbed)_

Marooned on a desolate planet, far from home, never to return: Can two mortal enemies share a cave on an alien world without driving each other crazy?

.

MUSIC similar to the theme to "The Odd Couple" plays.

Cut to INT. CAVE RESIDENCE

Jerry is cleaning up a comfortable cave dwelling, sweeping up trash and picking up laundry that is strewn on the floor. Jerry appears sullen and irritated.

Will appears at the cave opening.

.

**WILL**

_(yelling and motioning off-camera)_

OK, I'll catch up with you guys later!

.

Will enters the cave and walks toward Jerry.

.

**WILL**

_(cheerful)_

Hey, man, what's up?

.

Jerry continues working, not facing Will.

.

**JERRY**

_(sighs)_

Did you get the seeds I asked you for this morning?

.

**WILL**

_(uncertain)_

Uh, seeds?

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**JERRY**

Yes, seeds. We're going to need them to replant the garden after the next meteorite storm.

.

**WILL**

_(timid)_

Uh, no, I guess I forgot.

.

**JERRY**

Of course you did. Just like you forgot about my birthday last week.

.

**WILL**

What?

_(having a revelation)_

Oh, so THAT'S what that was all about.

.

**JERRY**

_(a bit spiteful)_

Yes. That's what "that" was all about.

.

**WILL**

_(sheepishly)_

Yeah, I forgot that, too.

.

**JERRY**

And I guess you forgot it's our anniversary, as well, right?

.

**WILL**

What anniversary?

.

**JERRY**

The anniversary of when we shot each other down, crash-landed here, and rather than killing each other learned to communicate with each other and cooperate to survive and build a life together.

.

**WILL**

Are we celebrating that now?

.

**JERRY**

_(ignoring Will)_

A life together in which I do all the cooking, cleaning, and maintaining of a decent household while you stay out all night carousing with your friends.

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**WILL**

_(joking)_

Well, I'm holding up my end of the bargain, so what's the problem? Ha ha!

_(uncomfortable)_

Ha, ha —

.

Jerry finally turns to face Will.

.

**JERRY**

We need to talk.

.

**WILL**

About what?

.

**JERRY**

_(pauses to take a deep breath)_

I'm pregnant.

.

**WILL**

_(surprised)_

What? That's impossible! How? I mean, you're the only one of your species on the entire planet, how —

_(pauses, thinking)_

Wait. Oh, yeah! You Dracs reproduce asexually!

.

**JERRY**

_(calmly)_

No, we don't.

.

**WILL**

Yes, you do, we learned that in boot camp! Dracs reproduce asexually!

.

**JERRY**

_(still calm)_

No, we don't.

.

**WILL**

_(getting irate)_

Yes, you do!

.

**JERRY**

_(also getting irate)_

No, we don't!

.

**WILL**

_(louder)_

Yes, you do!

.

**JERRY**

_(louder)_

No we don't!

.

**WILL**

Yes, you do! I read it in the army training manual!

.

**JERRY**

_(explodes)_

I think I know my own body better than the army training manual, Will! Can you give me that much credit?! Can you?! Can you at least give me that much credit?!

.

**WILL**

_(sheepishly)_

OK, fine, sorry.

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**JERRY**

_(accusatory, pointing at Will)_

And we need to talk about what happened after the pool party last week!

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**WILL**

_(fearful)_

No, we don't.

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**JERRY**

_(insistent)_

Yes, we do.

.

**WILL**

_(louder)_

No, we don't!

.

**JERRY**

_(louder)_

Yes, we do!

.

**WILL**

_(backing away)_

No, we don't!

.

**JERRY**

Yes, we do! Remember? We had a late brunch with Alan and Craig after we voted "Yes" on prop 77. Then we all went to the pool party, and when the two of us got back home, we fell asleep on the couch together, and when I woke up, your —

.

Will clamps his hands over his ears and starts yelling, wide-eyed, trying to drown out Jerry's words.

.

**WILL**

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa!

.

**JERRY**

_(heard as Will stops to breathe)_

— it was all the way up in my —

.

**WILL**

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa!

.

**JERRY**

_(heard as Will stops to breathe)_

— I mean, it was really far up in there, and I'm guessing —

.

**WILL**

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa!

.

Laugh track PLAYS, theme MUSIC plays. Will and Jerry can no longer be heard, but are seen continuing to argue.

The words "Will & Jerry" appear, superimposed on the ongoing scene.

.

**NARRATOR**

_(overdubbed)_

"Will & Jerry" was filmed in front of a live studio audience!

.

END SCENE.


End file.
